Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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