I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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