we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
