Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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