Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
