sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
