Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
