I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
