Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize