Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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