What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize