so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
