It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
