he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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