yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
