My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
