so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
