i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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