you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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