oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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