did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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