I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
