I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
