I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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