I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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