You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize