Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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