can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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