would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
