i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
