Kiss
Puke
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize