Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
