I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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