Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
