see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
