Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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