I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
