Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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