Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
