Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize