if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
