im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
