last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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