Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize