hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize