I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
