if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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