I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
