I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
