i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
