So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
