I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
