So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Boobs are out for the taking
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
