I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
