Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize