FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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