dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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