Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
