Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
