they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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