She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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