how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
