She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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