You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
