Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
