We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
