My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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