Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
