I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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