my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
where does the pee come out of this thing
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
