this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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